[bonyhadi]

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. After a few minutes, he starts
dialing numbers like a telephone but on the back of his hand.
He then flips his hand over, and starts talking into the palm of his
hand.

The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough
neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble from weirdos here.
The guy says, "you don't understand. I'm very high tech. I had a
phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the
cellular."
The bartender says, "prove it." The guy dials up a number and hands
his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and
carries on a brief conversation.
"That's incredible," he says, "I would never have believed it."
"yeah" said the man, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you
name it. By the way, where is the men's room?"
The man goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes pass and he doesn't return.
Fearing the worst and given the violence in the neighborhood, the
bartender goes to check on him.
The bartender finds the guy spread eagle against the wall. His pants
are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his rear.
"Oh no!" said the bartender, "Did the locals rob you? Are you hurt?"
The man casually turns around and says, "no, I'm just waiting for a
fax."
================================
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her
from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is
exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you
should get off your caboose and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism,

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated
woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
=======================================
The Fart Poem


At times it is silent, at times it is not
at times it sneaks out and burns oh so hot!
When you'd like it to happen, it just won't come out
it hides and it waits till you're out and about!
The evil ones reek and embarrass us so
then laugh as they trail us wherever we go!
I know it's a function we can't live without,
but on a first date must they really come out??
Men light them on fire - it amuses them so
women fight to be quiet so that no one will know.
I can't figure why after eating good food
the smell that results could kill many a dude!
So here's to the fart, our warm smelly friend
you begin in my tummy, then come out my rear-end!
=========================================
Regarding job layoffs in the U.S.A.:

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock
(MADE IN JAPAN)
for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot
(MADE IN CHINA)
was percolating, he shaved with his electric razor
(MADE IN HONG KONG).
He put on a dress shirt
(MADE IN SRI LANKA),
designer jeans
(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and tennis shoes
(MADE IN KOREA).
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet
(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today.
After setting his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN)
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA)
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day,
Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL)
poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE)
and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA),
and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job
in.....AMERICA.....
================================
A new young MD doing his residency in o.b. was quite embarrassed while performing a female pelvic exam. He had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly
to cover his embarrassment.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him.
He snarled "just what is so funny madam?"
She replied, "I'm sorry doctor, but the song you were whistling was..... 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'!"
================================
Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King
Arthur's court. He had a long-standing obsession
to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts.
But he knew the penalty for this would be death.

One day he revealed his secret desire to his
colleague, Horatio, who was the King's chief
physician. Horatio said, "I can arrange it, but
I will need 1,000 gold coins to pay bribes."
Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.

The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching
powder and poured a little of it into the Queen's
brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon after
she dressed, the itching commenced and grew in
intensity. Upon being called to the royal chambers,
Horatio told the King that only a special saliva,
if applied for four hours, would cure this type of
itch, and that tests had shown such a saliva was only
to be found in Michael the Dragon Master's mouth.

King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master.
Michael the Dragon Master slipped the antidote lotion
into his mouth and for the next four hours worked
passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts.

Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found
Horatio demanding payment. However, with his obsession
now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything and
shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never
report this matter to the King.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same
itching powder onto King Arthur's loincloth. King Arthur
summoned Michael the Dragon Master...
===================
Q: Seven qualities in a perfect woman....
A: Beautiful, Responsible, Energetic, Adorable, Sweet, Truthful n
Self-organised. In short, she must have good B.R.E.A.S.T.S.!!

Q: What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a nude woman?
A: **** you and your law of gravity. I am going up!!

Q: What is the difference between a chicken and a baby?
A: Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of
standing cock.
===========================