[bonyhadi]

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust
and she's in dire financial straits.
She's so desperate that she decides to ask G-d for help. She begins to pray... "G-d, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going
to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.
She again prays... "G-d, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays... "My G-d, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my
business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask
you for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me
win the lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde
is overwhelmed by the Voice of G-d Himself...
"Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."
========================================
Gay Bob goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor
comes back and says, "Bob, I'm not going to beat around the bush. You
have AIDS."

Bob is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

"Eat 1 sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot
sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, box of Grape nuts
and top it off with a gallon of prune juice.

Bob asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of
what your ass is supposed to be used for."
===================================
Little Johnny came into the bathroom while his mother was taking
a shower. He asked, "Mommy what's that between your legs?"
She told him that was her squirrel. Later that day he was in the
bathroom again while grandma was taking a shower and he asked,
"Grandma what's that between your legs?"
She replied, "That's my squirrel."
Then little Johnny said, "Mommy has one too, but hers is not as gray
as yours." Grandma replied,
"Well, your mommy's squirrel hasn't cracked as many nuts as mine has!"
==============================================
Which Video to Buy
For sale - Which to Buy? Titanic or The Clinton Video -
A comparison of two different, yet strangely similar stories.

TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet
CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet

TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long
CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long

TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe
CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love,
and
subsequent catastrophe
TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a bull**** artist

TITANIC VIDEO: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill

TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit
CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica's forced to return her gifts

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica doesn't remember Jack

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica... uh, never mind

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary ... basically the same
thing.
====================
This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next
to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign.

Their windows are open and he yells at the
guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone
in there?"

The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course
I do." "I got one too... see?"

"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man
in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?"

"Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's
right here!"

"Uh-huh." The light is just about to turn green
and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU
have a double bed in back there?"

And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do
you?"

"Yep, got my double bed right in back here see?!"

The light turns and the man in the Granada
takes off.

Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about
to be one-upped, so he goes immediately
to a customizing shop and orders them to
put a double bed in back of his car.

About two weeks later, the job is finally done
and he picks up his car and drives all over
town looking for the Granada.

He finally finds it parked alongside the road
so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.

The windows on the Granada are all fogged
up and he feels a little awkward about it,
but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls
and taps on the foggy window of the Granada.

The man in the Granada finally opens the
window a crack and peeks out.

The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember
me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"

"Check this out... I got a double bed
installed in my Rolls."

And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME
OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
===========================
A couple goes to bed to sleep for the night. In the middle of the night, the wife wakes up laughing and laughing and laughing. Her husband
groggily asks, "What are you laughing about?"

She tells him that she has just had a dream and she dreamed that she was at a cock auction. she said, "They had BIG ones there that were
12 inches long and big around and they were being auctioned off at $10,000 dollars." She went on to say that they had some 10 inch long
ones that were slightly smaller in diameter and they were going for around $8,000 dollars.

The husband is excited by now and asks "Honey were there any at the auction like mine?"

She says,"Why yes, they were over on the souvenir table and they were selling at 2 for a quarter..."

He disgustedly turns and goes back to sleep.

Well about two nights later, the husband wakes up in the middle of the night just laughing and laughing and laughing.

The wife asks him, "what in the world are you laughing about?"

He goes on to say that he dreamed he was at a ***** auction. He said, "They had little tiny ones there that had no hair at all and they were
selling for $50,000 dollars."He went on to say that they had some with just a little bit of beginning hair and they were a little larger, but going
for $42,000 dollars.

The wife is excited by this time and asks, "Honey did they have any there like mine?"

He said "Gosh honey, I am sorry, no ... WAIT... they had two. They were cooling beer in one, and throwing empties in the other!"
================================
Q: How can a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist.
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