[bonyhadi]

John, a straight guy, and Charles, a gay guy, were watching football on
TV.
Charles asked John, "Hey, do you want to play a game?"

John thinks for a second and replies, "Sure, why not!"

Charles begins to state the rules of the game and says to John, "What
you have to do is drink a mug of beer for 6 points and pull down your
pants, bend over and fart for the extra point!"

"Piece of cake, let's do it!" John replies.

"I'll go first," shouts Charles.

He stands up, gulps down the first mug of beer for 6 points and pulls
down his pants, bends over and farts for the extra point. "Seven zip,
your turn!" he says to John.

John gets ready to begin. He stands up, gulps down his mug of beer for

6 points, then pulls down his pants and bends over for the extra point.


Charles suddenly jumps up, whips out his pecker and rams it into John
ass and shouts, "BLOCK THAT KICK!! BLOCK THAT KICK!!"
=========================
A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she
squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans.
Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she
asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of
the house?"
"No, dear, not at all," he replied, "Our house isn't blue."
==================================
When someone asks how you are, tell them "FINE"!
****ed up
Insecure
Neurotic &
Emotional
==============================
What do you call a redneck who has a dog and a cat?
Bisexual.
======================
A man was getting ready for work one morning when his wife looked at
him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible." He
replied that he felt great.
The man went to work where his boss took one look at him and said,
"What is the matter with you? You look terrible." The man replied that
there was nothing wrong with him and that he felt great. The man went
to lunch with a client and the client looked at him and said, "What is
the matter with you? You look terrible."
The man again replied that he felt great.
The client suggested he go to the doctor right away because he looked
so bad.
The man went to the doctor, and when the doctor walked into the
examining room and saw him the doctor said, "My G-d, you look
terrible."
The man explained that everyone was telling him that he looked terrible
but that he felt great.
The doctor said, "Are you sure you feel great?" The man reiterated that

he definitely felt great! The doctor got out his medical book and
looked up "looks terrible". After he found that he looked up the
subsection "feels great".
The doctor said, "I found it right here under 'looks terrible, feels
great'. The man, at this point very nervous, inquired to the doctor,
"Tell me, what is it?"
The doctor replied, "According to my book... you're a vagina!"
==============
Did you hear about the new course you can take at school?
Yes, Intercourse you go between periods and you are expected to come.
=======================================
Blonde Revenge!

WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR?
When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL?
Has the blonde left yet?

WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE?
Brown-bagging it.

WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES?
Fisher Price.

WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR?
It matches their mustache.

WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH?
A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
=========================
WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A 747?
NOT EVERYONE HAS BEEN ON A 747 !
========
Did you hear about the blonde man who had 8 vasectomies?
He had to his wife kept getting pregnant
===============================
A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes
back there are still stains in her panties. The next week she encloses
a note to the Chinaman that says,
"Use more soap on panties."

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the
laundry.

Finally fed up the Chinaman responded with his own note that said,
"Use more paper on ass."
==========================
Sex in a boat - oar-gasms.
Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms.
Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms.
Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms.
Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms.
Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms.
Sex with a prostitute - whore-gasms.
Sex with an accountant - bore-gasms.
Sex while sleeping - snore-gasms.
Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms.
Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eyeore-gasms.
Sex while broke - poor-gasms.
Sex with a lion - roar-gasms.
Sex for hours and hours on end - sore-gasms.
Sex on a golf course - fore-gasms.
Sex with a nymphomaniac - more-gasms.
Sex in a gold mine - ore-gasms.
Sex with a dermatologist - pore-gasms.
Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms.
Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers - s'more-gasms.
Sex with a bullfighter - toreador-gasms.
Sex with a masked man carrying a sword - zorro-gasms.
Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet - smorgasbord-gasms.
Sex on a cruise ship deck - shuffleboard-gasms.
Sex in Asia - Singapore-gasms.
Sex among the wonders of nature - outdoor-gasms.
Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can - odor-gasms.
Sex on the way to the train - 'All Aboard'-gasms.
Sex that wasn't very satisfying - 'There's the door'-gasms.
Sex in an adult theater - hard-core-gasms.
Sex with someone who's not paying attention - ignore-gasms.
Sex with a competitive partner - score-gasms.
Sex while flying - soar-gasms.
Sex with a beloved partner - adore-gasms.
Sex with a meat-eater - carnivore-gasms.
Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo - pompadour-gasms.
Sex with someone who's got bad taste in clothes - velour-gasms.
Sex while traveling - tour-gasms.
Sex with a big dog - Labrador-gasms.
Sex with Beavis and Butthead - 'GonnaScore'-gasms.
Sex on stairs at the mall - escalator-gasms.
Sex with three of your friends - four-gasms.
Sex with a Norse God - Thor-gasms.
Sex when resistance is futile - Borg-gasms.
=================================
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.

How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky?
Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods.

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job will still suck.

What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
It's not hard.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
She is the one who can eat the last donut!

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.

Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.

What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
They are both used as substitute meat.

What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year!

What do old women have between their breasts that young women don't?
A bellybutton!


Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
================================================