[bonyhadi]

Ten reasons why golf is better than sex

1. A below par performance is considered good.
2. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of
beers.
3. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
4. Foursomes are encouraged.
5. You can still make money doing it as a senior.
6. Three times a day is possible.
7. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.
8. If you live in Sun City, you can do it every day.
9. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
.........and best of all
10. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it
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After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and
promise not to peek while he got ready for bed.
While she was in the bathroom she opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there. She exclaimed "Oh no, it's short, pink and wrinkled!"
Then her groom cried out, "I told you not to peek!"
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Can anyone tell me why Tampax needs a web site?
"Geez, the cramps are really kicking in. I'd better head over to the maxi-
pad chat room."
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Two drunks are in a tavern sitting at the bar, staring into their drinks.
One gets a curious look on his face and asks, "Hey, Pete, you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it before?"

"Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years!"
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A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work properly in case of emergency."
My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact us."
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Q: Why did Al Gore get a belly ring?
A: Because George Bush had a Dick Cheney.
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Q)Have you heard of the new oriental cookbook?
A) It's called 101 WAYS TO WOK YOUR DOG.
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Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin.
They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints.
And then there was something called 'Happy Hour' and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me
friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness--couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for
later..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me???!!!"
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Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum sucking ****ing arseholes!
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A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How's that?"

"It's like this: My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."
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I read today where the new Alabama quarter is going to be recalled soon.
They say it won't work in vending machines. Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the machines.
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The Eulogy
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She married the day she graduated from high school and
had 13 children. Her husband died.

She soon married again and had 7 more children.

Again, her husband died. Yet again she remarried, and this
time had 5 more children.

And alas, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the
good Lord above, giving thanks for this loving woman
who fulfilled the commandment to "go forth and multiply."

At the end of his eulogy, the preacher said, "Thank you
Lord, they are finally together."

Leaning over to speak with a neighbor, one mourner quietly
asked, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third
husband?"

The neighbor replied, "I think he means her legs."
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