[bonyhadi]

"Bald Head Jokes"

A farmer and his wife are given the gift of a parrot from
a relative. The parrot being a male sneaks out and screws
the next door neighbor's turkey and rushes back home before
being caught in the act.

The next door neighbor knocks on the door and explains what
the parrot has been up to. The owner of the parrot reprimands
him and tells him if he doesn't stop it he's going to shave
the parrot's head.

That night the parrot, overcome with desire, sneaks out and
screws his neighbor's turkey again. The next morning the owner
ties the bird down and proceeds to shave his head.

The following morning is the Farmers daughters wedding, and
in order to please the relative that gave them the parrot
they sit the parrot on a piano and tell him for his punishment
he has to greet all the guests and tell them where to sit in
the church.

The parrot is doing fine. "Groom's side to the left and Bride's
side to the right"

Then two bald guys walk in and he says, "All right, you two
turkey ****ers up here on the piano with me."
===================================-

Random thought:
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
===================================
Signs That You Really Are Going Bald...

1. People keep referring to you as 'Captain Picard'.
2. Your part keeps getting wider...and wider.
3. You wear a T-Shirt that says, "The more hair I lose, the more head I
get!"
4. People start calling you 'Mr. Clean'.
5. Your hair is actually 5 feet long because you use it to cover the
bald part!
6. You get more coupons for Rogaine than you get free America On-Line
disks.
7. The thought of growing your eyebrows to preposterous lengths and
combing them straight back actually crosses your mind.
8. People always chasing you with billiard sticks.
9. Your name is MICHAEL BOLTON!
10. In the morning, your wife tells you the sun rises twice!
11. You need sunglasses to look at your reflection in the mirror first
thing in the morning.
12. You're still using the same bottle of shampoo after two years...and
it ain't "economy-sized", neither!
13. The barber starts charging you less for hair-cuts.
14. Movie producers call you to star in a remake of Kojac.
15. You think William Shatner's hair piece looks pretty good!
16. You actually wear that, "Solar panel for a sex machine," t-shirt.
17. Each day takes longer to wash your face.
18. You no longer have a dandruff problem.
19. Your dog is irritated by how much you are shedding.
20. You're not just the President of the Hair Club for Men, you're now a
member.
====================================
Q: Why do bald men have holes in their trouser pockets?
A: So they can run their fingers through their hair!
=======================
If you want a nice man, go for a bald one ... they try harder.
================================================
Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish Texan
is sitting between them. The first Texan says,
" My name is Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1000 head of cattle
and they call my place The Jolly Roger"

The second Texan says, ' My name is John.
I own 350,000 acres. I have 5000 head of cattle and they call my place
Big Johns'.

They both look down at the Jewish man who says, ' My name is Irving
and I own 300 acres ' .
Roger looks down at him and say, ' 300 Acres ? What do you raise ? '
'Notink' Irving says.
Well then, what do you call it?' Asked John.
'Downtown Dallas.'
====================================
I'M BUSIER THAN ...

... Michael Jackson in a day care center
... a dog with two dicks
... Richard Simmons on a fat farm
... a half-****ed fox during the heat season
... a two-peckered billy goat
... a black L.A. hooker in Hugh Grant's BMW
... a GOP victory party organizer
... a monkey trying to **** a football
... a toilet in Grand Central Station
... a gopher on a golf course
... a bar of soap at San Quentin
================================
Little Johnny is dressed as a pirate for Halloween. He knocks on the
door of a house and a lady answers. She says, "Well, well little boy,
what are you supposed to be?"

Little Johnny says, "I am a pirate."

She says, "Well--where are your buccaneers?"

"Right here under my bucken hat," replies Little Johnny
===========================================
A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were
away the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that
nights dinner he slaughtered the sheep, and cooked it.

That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring
the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, ..."Did I screw up the
cooking"

"No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing."
==============================================
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one
of his altar boys. The first day the kid paints the entire inside of
the house, he's sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished.
The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him $5.
The boy looks at the money and says to the priest,
"Thanks very much Father, you're a virgin."

The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day the boy

has to paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot day and he
just manages to finish the job without collapsing.
The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another $5
bill.
Once again the lad looks at the money and says,
"Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin".

At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Tommy," he says,
"that's twice you called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the
word means?".
"Yes," says the kid, " a tight **** "
============================================
I just hate stupid people.
They should have to wear signs that just say "I'M STUPID."
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?
You wouldn't ask them anything.
It would be like, . . ."Excuse me...oops, nevermind-I didn't see your
sign."
=======================================
A man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told
him he owed 4 dollars.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" said the customer.

"Okay," said the bartender. "If you say you paid, you did."

The man then went outside and told a friend that the bartender
couldn't keep track of his customers' bills. The second man then
rushed in and ordered a beer. When it came time to pay he pulled
the same stunt.

The barkeep replied, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for
it."

Soon the customer went into the street, saw an old friend, and told
him how to get free drinks.

The man hurried into the bar and began to drink high balls when,
suddenly, the bartender leaned over and said, "You know, a funny
thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither
paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is
going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron
responded. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."
==================================================
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you must help me.
Every night I dream that I'm driving a truck from Pittsburgh to
New York. I'm so tired I can hardly get up in the morning."

The doctor says, "Tell you what. Next time you have this dream,
just call me and I'll come over and drive the truck for you."

The man tries it, and is cured.

Another patient tells the doctor, "I have this same dream every
night. I'm making love to four beautiful women, and by morning
I'm totally exhausted. Can you help me?"

The doctor says, "Tell you what, next time you have this dream,
just call me and I'll come and take a couple of them off your
hands."

Two weeks later the man with the over sex problem goes back to
the psychiatrist and says,
"Doc, you gotta help me. Now these women are bringing their
friends, and they're all getting so demanding. I'm so tired I can
barely get through the day. Can't you do something?"

"You should have called me." the doctor replied. "I told you I'd
take a couple of them off your hands."

"But Doc," he said, "I've been calling you every night, and your
service keeps telling me you're out driving a truck from
Pittsburgh to New York."
========================
IF LIFE IS A WASTE OF TIME AND TIME IS A WASTE OF LIFE, THEN
LET'S ALL GET WASTED TOGETHER AND HAVE THE TIME OF OUR LIVES.









protect freedom, remeber to vote on Tuesday