[bonyhadi]

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NOT ONE, BUT TWO BLONDES:

Two blondes were walking through the woods and came upon
a set of tracks.

One blonde said that they were deer tracks.

The other blonde said that they were moose tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit 'em.
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Q. What is long and hard; has a hole at the tip and when
inserted into a deep, slimy, hairy hole, can make you
feel better?
A. VICKS INHALER!

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"A California man has been taken to court for stalking Anna
Nicole Smith. The man has been charged with
invasion of privacy, illegal trespassing, and having really
bad taste." -- Conan O'Brien

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In the Bronx, N.Y., lived a society cat who was a bit of
a snob, though she did chat occasionally with her neighbor, an
alley cat.

One day, she announced that she was about to have an
operation, although she didn't mention what it was for. Two
weeks later, her humble friend saw her again and inquired
politely how she was feeling. Then he dared to ask what kind
of operation she had.

"I am quite well now, thank you," the society cat
replied, stiffly. "I'm recovering from a hysterectomy."

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" the alley cat exclaimed in
exasperation. "Why can't you just call a spay a spayed?"

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"I like to be a ***** so much that it pisses me off when my
period ends."

In New York City there is a school for transvestites. Guys
can go there and learn how to dress and act like women.
You've heard of William and Mary? At this school William IS
Mary. --Jay Leno

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A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes
to after the procedure, he's perturbed to see several doctors
standing around his bed.

"Son, there's been a bit of a mix-up," admits the
surgeon. "I'm afraid there was an accident, and we were
forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have
a vagina instead of a penis."

"What!" gasps the patient. "You mean I'll never experience
another erection?"

"Oh, you might," the surgeon reassures him. "Just not yours."

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"When **** becomes valuable, the poor will be born
without assholes." -- Henry Miller

"While you are away, movie stars are taking your women.
Robert Redford is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is
kissing your lady, Bart Simpson is making love to your wife."
-- Baghdad Betty, Iraqi radio announcer, to Gulf War troops

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Bonehead Award

A "stupidest lawsuit in the world" Bonehead Award goes to
Kenneth Bianchi, a.k.a. the "Hillside Strangler" for filing a
lawsuit against Whatcom County, Washington, in which he is
seeking hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost wages and
emotional distress for his having plead guilty to serial
murder charges. He said had the police been honest with him
about not having as much evidence against him as he thought
they had that he would have tried beating the murder charges
instead of admitting to them.

Bianchi is currently serving a 118-year jail term in
Washington after which he would then serve five life
terms in California.

Seattle Post-Intelligencer 27-Jun-02







If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

"I'm so embarrassed. I told everyone that Soylent Green is
people, but if you read the label closely, it says
it's actually made from "artificial people flavoring."
---Bob Van Voris

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Proverbs of the 3rd Millenium

* Home is where you hang your @.

* The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.

* A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

* You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

* Great groups from little icons grow.

* Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

* In some places, C:\ is the root of all directories.

* Oh, what a tangled Website we weave when first we practice.

* Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.

* The modem is the message.

* Too many clicks spoil the browse.

* The geek shall inherit the earth.

* Don't byte off more than you can view.

* Fax is stranger than fiction.

* What boots up must come down.

* Windows will never cease.

* Virtual reality is its own reward.

* Modulation in all things.

* There's no place like your homepage.

* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to
use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

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"It's better to have loved and lost a short person than never
to have loved a tall."

General Mills makes Corn Chex, Rice Chex, etc. If the Post
company bought these brands, then I have a new product for
them: take some Wheat Chex, add pieces of fresh dates and a
little cinnamon and sugar, and voila! New, Post Dated
hex! -- Calman Fine

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Retirement

A man was out walking one day and went by a retirement home.
As he passed the front lawn, he saw nine old
ladies basking in the sun in lounge chairs. When he looked
closer, he saw they were all stark naked!

He went to the front door and rang the bell. When the
director answered, the man asked if he realized he had nine
naked old ladies in his front yard.

The director said: "Yes, I know. They all live here.
They're retired prostitutes and they're having a yard sale."

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What do people in China call their good plates?

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance
called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her
class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then
side-step side-step and turn around"
-- Peter Bergt

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You will receive 823,542 women

This chain letter was developed by virile men in order
to make their sex life even more fantastic.

As opposed to normal chain letters, this one costs nothing,
and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail
to 9 of your best friends who are just as virile as you.

Then anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a
large carton (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send
it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your
name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive
823,542 women through the post.

Statistically, among those women, will be at least:

* 0.5 miss worlds
* 2.5 models
* 463 wild nymphos
* 3,234 good-looking nymphos
* 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms
* 40,198 bi-sexual women

In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less
inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off
and, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to
be one of those that come back to you.

DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER

One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of
9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old
dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine
attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face.

On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living
with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved
out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the
chain letter.)

While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in
6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying
in hospital suffering from exhaustion.
Outside his ward are 452 more packages.

YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL .

This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying
sex life. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations
about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you
can screw her.

No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no
unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement.

Do not hesitate: send this letter today to 9 of your
best friends.

P.S.: This letter can also be copied to women you know so that
they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they
may soon undertake.

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Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

"Police in L.A. are out there trying to arrest Motley
Crue singer Vince Neil because they claim he hit a man outside
a nightclub. If Neil did attack the man, it
would be Motley Crue's first hit since 1985."
-- Conan O'Brien

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