[CobraDan]

Craig was out on the three club outing when he took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
Fortunately, he was golfing with a paramedic. He said "How bad is it Brian?
I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
Brian told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together. It became a rather impressive work of art. Of course, the Craig mentions none of this to his Konnie.

They marry and go on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room Konnie rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them.
She said, "You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."
Next, she takes off her panties and reveals the golden fruit. She says, "You're the first; no one has ever touched me here."
Barely able to contain himself, he immediately drops his pants and replies, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"