[bonyhadi]

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn
chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn.
A neighbor lady was so outraged at this,
she came over and shouted at the man,
"You should be hung!"
To which he calmly replied,
"I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"
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A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!",
"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!",
she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" ,
"DO IT!".
So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.",
so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says,

"See honey - its not that hard.
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There was a loser who couldn't get a date.
He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date.
The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."
So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out.
After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a
good thing because he had a case early in the morning.
She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"
He said, "Why,... Yes I am!"
So they went to his place and when they were in bed,
screwing, he started to laugh to himself.
When she asked what was so funny,
he answered,
"Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes,

and I'm already screwing someone!"
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About a third of Americans flush

while they are still sitting on the toilet.
DUH!
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