[bonyhadi]

A man who worked for the fire department came home from work one day
and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the
firehouse.
Bell #1 rings, and we all put our jackets on. Bell #2 rings, and we
all slide down the pole. Bell #3 rings, and we are on the truck and
ready to go!"
"So," he continues, "From now on, we're going to run this house the
same way. When I say Bell #1, I want
you to strip naked. When I say Bell #2, I want you to jump into bed
and when I say Bell #3, we're going to make love all night!" The wife
is agreeable with this arrangement. The next night, he came home from
work
and yelled,
"Bell #1!" The wife took off all her clothes.
"Bell #2!".....The wife jumped into bed.
"Bell #3!"..... They began passionate loving...
After two minutes, the wife yelled, "Bell #4!".....
The husband asked "What the hell is Bell #4?"
"MORE HOSE!" she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE!"
=====================================
Too Many Confessions Of Adultry

An old priest was getting sick and tired of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday in the pulpit he said, "If I hear
one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Everyone liked him, so the parishioners came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This
seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week later, the new priest visited the Mayor
of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the
confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code
word.
The priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said,
"I don't know what you're laughing about.
Your wife has fallen three times this week."
==================================

The World's Most Important Discoveries
Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered woman, invented sex.
Woman discovered sex, invented headache.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man was all screwed up after that.

================================================

A man came home from a poker game late one night and
found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with
a rolling pin.

"Where the hell have you been?" she asked.

"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he said.
"I've just lost you in a card game."

"How did you manage to do that, genius?" she asked
sarcastically.

"It wasn't easy, honest," he told her. "I had to fold

with a royal flush."
===============================================







================================================
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are riding in an elevator
from the 14th floor to the lobby. The redhead notices a spot
on the elevator wall and says, "That looks like a cum stain."
The brunette leans over and smells the stain. "Smells like a
cum stain," she says. The blonde leans over and tastes the spot,
then says, "Well, it's nobody from this building."
=================================
Why did the Blonde put ice in her boyfriend's condom?
To keep the swelling down.

How is a blonde like a frying pan?
You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
======================

Did you hear about the divorced redneck?
He wondered if his ex-wife was still his sister.

How many Irish people does it take to change a light bulb?
Five one to hold the light bulb and four to drink until the room spins!
=========================================
John was talking to Alan.
"So, Alan, how's it going with the ladies?"
"Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects."
"Really?"
"Yep, whenever I mention sex, they object."
===========================================
An old Italian couple is walking around in the mall.
After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first
saleswoman she sees and asks,
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots
of curly black hair?"
The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.
So the Italian woman goes to ask another saleswoman:
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots
of curly black hair?" "No, I'm sorry maam, I haven't seen your
husband."
The Italian woman goes to see one more saleswoman and asks,
"Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots
of curly black hair?"
The saleswoman answers, "Yes I saw him, he ran out of here
licketysplit."
"No no no, thatsa not-a my Tony. He pinch-a the bum, grab-a the
breasts...but he no lickety split!"
========================================
Penis: The only thing that a woman hopes she will find hard to handle.
===========================================
"Doctor, that rectal exam hurt like hell. What did you do?"
"I used two fingers."
"What for?"
"I needed a second opinion."
==========================


The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size
bucket.
=========================================
A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to
himself.

"Sorry, he doesn't live here anymore, we're divorced!"

Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who
it is that keeps calling.

"Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going
to get that through your fat head?"

"Oh, I know! I just can't hear it enough!"
========================================
Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me
subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy Magazines for the same
reason."
Cliff says, "Why?"
Steve says, " Cuz with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never
get to visit."
===========================
It was at a cocktail party and the guy was getting nowhere with a really stunning blonde.
Finally, he consulted the host a buddy about the situation and the latter thought a bit, then said, "Look let me mix her up one of my
special Zombies.
It'll get her so stiff that she'll go to bed with ya just like your wife."
"Hell no." reacted the guy. "I don't want her THAT stiff."
===============================================