[bonyhadi]

Views expressed by the husband
are not necessarily
those of the management
==============
A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical
problem.

After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the
physician.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one
charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could
adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just
give me fifty bucks and get out."

"I can give you twenty says the man. Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did
you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if
you have no money?"

"Listen, Doctor", says the patient, "When it comes to
my health, nothing is too expensive."
====================
Grandma Goldberg, a woman of 85, was slowly ambling
down the street when she met her physician Dr. Cohen.
Dr. Cohen, a dapper graying man in his early 60's
asked the elderly lady -- "Mrs. Goldberg how are you
feeling?"

For a long moment the woman gave the good doctor a
terrible stare and then she said -- "You ask me how
I'm feeling! I'll tell you how I'm feeling!!
My legs hurt, my chest is sore, my heart is beating
too fast and I can't sleep!!! I have horrible
headaches and stomach pains too!"

The good doctor looked at the elderly lady with
compassion. "If you're feeling so awful, why don't you
come and see me right away?"

Grandma Goldberg let out a sigh and said, "I was just
waiting until I felt a little better."
==================
A rabbi was called to a local Jewish nursing home to
perform a wedding.

An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat
down to counsel the old man and asked several
questions. "Do you love her?"

The old man replied, "I guess."

"Is she a good Jewish woman?"

"I don't know for sure," the old man answered.

"Does she have lots of money?" asked the rabbi.

"I doubt it."

"Then why are you marrying her?" he asked.

"She can drive at night," the old man said.
===========================
Jewish Mothers

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"After all that money your father and I spent on
braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered, you still could
have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you
have any idea how hard it is to get that junk off the
ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"All right, if you aren't hiding your report card
inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and
show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Again with the hat? Can't you just wear a baseball
cap like the other kids?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"The next time I catch you throwing money across the
Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric
light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young
man, midnight is past your curfew."

And, of course, these two, who really did have Jewish
mothers:

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"But it's your senior picture. Couldn't you do
something about your hair?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER:
"That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really
been for the last forty years."

= = = = = =

Scene at Fleegleman's deli:

Customer: I am sorry, waiter, but I only have enough
money for the bill. I don't have anything left for a tip.

Waiter: That's all right, mister. Let me just add up
that bill again.