[CobraDan]

Subject: Using cows to explain politics


DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted
for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You
feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.


REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and
build a herd of cows.


DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to
the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who
has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the
milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one; lease it back to
yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the 2 cows to produce
the milk of four

cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to
the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your
stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of
their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all
blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per
year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life
is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them
and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again
and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up
and takes over how ever many cows you really have.


POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and
killed attempting to milk them.


FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes
for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best
vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for
neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch
of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking one.


NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose
which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some cow from
Arkansas.