[bonyhadi]

How do you keep a hard-on?
Don't xxck with it.
=============================
A woman went to a doctor claiming she had three vaginas!! The doctor
examined her and sure enough, she DID have three vaginas. He`d never
seen such a thing in all his years of medical practice. He told her
"I`ll stitch up two of them, but leave the middle one alone."
"Will that make me normal again?" she asked. "Of course." he said,
"This way, you won`t be screwed left, right and center!"
===========================================
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting
to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than
$20 will be accepted."
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me,
if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
===========================================
What is the definition of Confidence?
When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you
slap her on the ass and say, "You're next!"
=====================================
Because of a bad case of hemorrhoids, a gay guy goes to his doctor. The
physician prescribes suppositories, but when it comes time to use them
the young man is afraid he will do it wrong. So he goes into the
bathroom and bends over and looks through his legs into the mirror to
line up the target.
All of a sudden, his penis becomes stiff, blocking his view.
"Oh, stop it," the young man scolds his organ, "it's only me."
=========================================
4 worms were placed into 4 separate jars.
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The last worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day:

First worm dead.
Second worm dead.
Third worm dead.
Fourth worm alive.

Moral of this story???
As long as you drink, smoke, and screw, you won't get worms.
===========================================
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want
you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to
the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope,
"Now you have everything."
========================================
A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet
tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they
went back to the tall woman's apartment.
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said
the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."
"Just take off your clothes, lie back on the bed, spread your legs
apart and close your eyes," said the midget.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she'd
ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had
climaxed eight times.
"If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk,
"Just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"
==============================
While the bar patron savoured a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange
juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass.
"As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.
===================================
A certain virginal and shy college freshman was lucky to have a
roommate who was considerably more experienced. When the bashful boy
broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate was quick to
offer to set him up with a blonde who'd made the rounds of the campus.
Just take this bimbo out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take
its course, he explained reassuringly. This girl knows what the score
is, and she's even a natural blonde.

The roommate arranged the date as promised. The freshman was delighted
by his cute, outgoing companion and they spent the evening dining and
dancing. On the way home he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in

a cold sweat, and blurted out, "Gosh, I sure
would love to have a little *****." "I would too," sighed the blonde,
"Mine's the size of a goddamn milk pail."
=========================================
Did you hear about the blonde that hooked up her VCR to the microwave?
She watched The Godfather in three minutes!
====================
What's the difference between a blonde guy and a blonde girl?
The blonde girl's sperm count is higher.
==========================
What do you call a dead blonde??
Last years winner at the hide and seek contest!!
=====================
Masturbators of America,
Give Yourself a Hand!
You don't need to use a condom
You don't need a dental dam
You don't need to say "I Love You" or "Here's Fifty Dollars, Ma'am."
Don't need to spring for dinner,
Or wear all that sexy stuff
All you need's a set of fingers and a wanker or a muff
'Cause everybody's doin' it, all across the land
Masturbators Of America,
Give Yourselves A Hand!
It's natural, and organic
It's easy and it's fun
If you don't know how to do it ask your parents how it's done
You don't need a special license
You don't need a special skill
Just unzip and slip your grip between your hips and get a thrill
'Cause everybody's doin' it, and boy does it feel grand,
Masturbators of America,
Give Yourselves a Hand!
You can do it in the bathroom
You can do it in your bed
You can do it at a concert while you watch the Grateful Dead
You can rub it with some lotion
You can stroke it with a cloth
Arnold Schwartzenegger pounds it,
Michael Jackson jacks it off
Your attitude will soften, your horizons will expand.
Masturbators of America,
Give Yourself a Hand!