[bonyhadi]

DOSAGE: It is recommended that you read only one of these per day.
Trying to absorb all at once may cause confusion or nausea.....

1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's a will? It's a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat
minor.
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When the actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought
she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
=================
A woman who was wearing a tight mini skirt and waiting for a bus.
When the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became
aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her to lift her leg up high
enough to step onto the bus.

With a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking this would give her enough
slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only
to discover she still couldn't...

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted
the step,and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not
raise her leg.

With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind
to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step...

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her
picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the
step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and
yelled,
"How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I
would agree
with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I
kinda figured
we was friends."
===================
The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:

You're a Siamese twin.
Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.
You're not.
He has a date coming over tonight.
You only have one ass.
=====================
I have a friend who got those new saline breast implants.
She lay in the sun so long they evaporated. All she has now
is two double-D salt shakers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains.
After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me.
Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?"
"Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night."
"That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know."
"Not if you're going to watch TV. there ain't," she replied.

."