[bonyhadi]

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The big three auto makers in Detroit were considering putting the high-beam dimmer switch back down on the floor, so they decided to take a
poll. Among those polled were 1000 blondes.
The most frequent response was: "Well how the hell am I sup- posed to reach for it way down there?"

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The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.
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Linda (a blonde) and Jill were chatting over coffee.
Said Linda, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or
both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye."
Linda took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried.
"There it goes again!"
Said Jill, "Linda... take the spoon out of the cup."

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A man at the pharmacy to pick up his Viagra prescription exclaimed over the $10/pill price. His wife, who was with him, had a different opinion:
"Oh, $40 a year isn't too bad."

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A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.

"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a new secretary for me."

"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?"

"Neither, He's bald."
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A neutron in a bar has just finished his drink. "How much do I owe you?" the neutron asks the bartender.
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge!"
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"Pets are loving, trusting creatures. Do not treat them with the same cruelty and neglect you do your husband."
=======================
What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet

What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
A Klondyke.

What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
Militia Etheridge.

Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same
time?
Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay
on their face.

Why do lesbians like to be reincarnated as whales?
So they can have 10 foot tongues and breathe out of
the tops of their heads.

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.

Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.

Do you know what drag is?
It's when a man wears everything a lesbian won't.

What's the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

What's the difference between a ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker.
================
Q. Why do farts stink?
A. So deaf people can enjoy them too.

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A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy
my present instead of making you and dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too."

The daughter protests, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this."

"Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."
==================

My friend Richard comes home very late, and very drunk, and his wife is waiting for him at the door. She says, "You've been out screwing
another woman, haven't you?"

He says, "Nope."

She says, "Then explain the lipstick on your shirt."

He says, "That's easy. I used my shirt to wipe off my dick."
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If Men Ruled The World




1- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

2- Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in every leap year.

4- On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5- St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6- Garbage would take itself out.

7- Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per view event
in world history.

8- The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

9- Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".

10- Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11- Two words... "Ally McNaked".

12- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:

Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop : "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

13- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14- Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15- Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year.

16- Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.

17- The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

18- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.

19- Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".

20- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

21- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".

22- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

23- "Sorry I'm late, but I was wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

24- At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right
into your car.

25- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
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Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.