[bonyhadi]

he nerve endings," said Gabriel. "How many will I put in her hands?"

"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.

"Two-hundred, O Mighty One," replied Gabriel.

"Then we shall do the same for this woman," said The Lord.

"How many nerve endings should we put in woman's genitals," inquired Gabriel.

"How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord.

"Four-hundred and twenty, O Mighty One," replied Gabriel.

"Of course. We did want Adam to have a means of receiving extra pleasure in his life, didn't we? Do the same for woman," said The Lord.

"Yes, O Great Lord," said Gabriel.

"No, wait!" said The Lord. "Screw it, give her ten-thousand. I want her to scream out my name."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why are politicians proof of reincarnation?
You just can't get that screwed up in one lifetime
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into an ice-cream shop with his wife and his son. He says, "I'll have a chocolate cone."

The wife says, "I'll have a vanilla cone."

Then he slaps his son in the back of the head and says, "What do you want, fat head?"

The lady behind the counter says, "Why'd did you smack him and call him fat head?"

The husband says, "There are three things in life a man wants. The first thing is a nice big truck. You see that nice big truck sitting out there?
That's mine.

The second thing a man wants in life is a nice big house. You seen that nice big house on top of the hill on the edge of town? That's mine.

The third thing a man wants in life is a nice tight *****. And I had that, until fat head came along."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teacher asks her class, "What is the animal depicted on a weather vane?"

Little Johnny, the infamous troublemaker, says, "I know, teacher, I know."

Against her better judgment she calls on him and he says, "Teacher, it is a cock."

Teacher asks the class, "Why is a cock on a weather vane?"
"I know, I know, teacher," says Johnny.
"OK, Johnny, Why?"

"Because, teacher, if it had a **** on it, the wind would whistle right through it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who are the most famous black women in history?
Aunt Jemima and Mother xxxxer!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Keli: Mary, what exactly is an "oxymoron"?

Anni: It's a phrase made up of contradictory terms, like "deafening silence."

Keli: Oh, I get it. Like "Mr. Perfect"!
===============================
Top 25 Country Songs

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
21. I Sold A Car To the Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're Even
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him, Cause,you can't quail hunt
without a good dog!
8. Please Bypass This Heart
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly
4. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
And the number one Country and Western song is:

1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women,
But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few
===========================

Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.
"Hey, bud, how are ya?"
"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"
"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!
"No way, how could that be?"
"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her
left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not
all, she can have sex, too!"
"Holy ****! You're kidding, right?"
"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"
So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he
hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp" Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"
The guy says, "****! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!"

=================================================
Jake was on his deathbed.

His wife Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his
fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him
from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move
slightly.

"My darling Susan," he whispered.

"Hush, my love," she said."Rest. Shhh. Don't talk."

He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have
something I must confess to you."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, and your mother."

"I know," she replied. "That's why I poisoned you."
==================================
Abstinence makes the Church grow Fondlers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"My wife is the most suspicious person in the world,"
complained the harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early, she thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she
thinks I've already had it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do we have orgasms?
How else would we know when to stop?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While inspecting their honeymoon hotel room the bride discovered a little box attached to the bed.

"What's this for?" she asked her husband.


"If you put a quarter in," he answered, reaching into his pocket,"the bed starts vibrating."

"Save your money," she said. "When you're a quarter in, I start vibrating!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What do you call two pigs fighting?

Ham to Ham Combat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of
paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the
middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it ?", calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man, "where do you want the blinds?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust, If it weren't for women Men's dicks would rust
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A politician was making a speech in the heart of the slum area. "When I'm elected," he thundered, "you won't see that long, dreary breadline.
When I'm elected, there'll be two breadlines-one for white and one for rye!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
======================================