[bonyhadi]

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I
have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this
house instead of two."
The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said:
"Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way because tomorrow
morning my mother moves in with us."
===========================================
Viagara is now available in liquid form.
FDA officials today announced the release of the wonder drug, Viagara,
in a new, easy-to-take liquid form. It is sold under the name
"Mydixadrill."
Now, when men come home from work in the evening, they can pour
themselves a stiff one.
======================================
John was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his
wife.
He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and
today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.
She fumed, "John! John!! Put down that paper and let's talk about how
we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today.
What do you suggest?"
John put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared
for a moment into the distance, then said, "How about two minutes of
silence?"
=====================================
That outfit you are wearing is very becoming on you. But if you
wore me I'd be cumming on you too.
==========================================
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand
onto her *****. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does
without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she
says.
So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she
says,
"Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire
hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of
me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands",
commands the girl.

"I can't", says the guy.

The girl looks at him and says, "See, I told you I had a tight *****!".
=============================
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
Introduce herself.
------------------------
What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.
=======================================

There were three buddies talking at lunch about the night before. The
first guy says, "Man, we drank way too much. I got out of the cab and
barfed all over the front lawn. Boy, was the wife ever pissed."

The second guy says, "That's nothing, I was so drunk I drove the car
right through the back of the garage. I didn't even know it until I
came out this morning to go to work."

The third guy says, "You guys don't know what drunk is. I came home
last night and I blew chunks."

The first guy says, "I told you I threw up all over the place."

The third guy says, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
============================
Ode To Big Boobs

I love to suck a great big tit
Inch by inch, bit by bit
I love to see her big breasts bare
They make my cum fly through the air!!
Oh goodness gracious! what big boobs!
They make my cum spurt out in goobs
Their great to lick and suck, not to mention titty-futz!!
They say that having such big boobs
Are really just a waste
But it takes more than just a mouthful
To get the greatest taste!!
===========================

Ben wakes up one morning and sees a gorilla perched in a tree near his
bedroom window. Shocked, he calls the local animal control officer who
transfers his call to an exotic animal specialist.
Ben explains the situation, and the specialist asks,
"Is the gorilla male or female?"
"A male, I think," says Ben.
"Okay, I'll be right over to take care of him," the specialist says.
A few minutes later, the specialist arrives with a Chihuahua, a club,
handcuffs and a shotgun.
The specialist explains his plan to Ben: "I'll climb up to the gorilla
and knock him out of the tree with the club. When the gorilla hits the
ground, the Chihuahua will run over and try to bite him in the crotch.
The gorilla will then cross his hands over his vitals to cover them.
That's your cue to slap the cuffs on him. Got it?"
"Sure. But what's the shotgun for?" Ben asks.

"If the gorilla knocks me out of the tree,
use it to shoot the Chihuahua!"
===================
A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant.
After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the inevitable check.
To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say,
"I'll pay it!" and he actually did.
The next morning's newspaper carried the news item:

"JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN BLIND ALLEY."