[bonyhadi]

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was
knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.
He looks up from the page and says to her,
"Did you know that humans are the only species in which the
female achieves orgasm?"
She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies,
"Oh yeah? Why don't you prove it."
He frowns for a moment, then says, "Okay."
He then gets up and walks out,
leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.
About a half an hour later, he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims,

"Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't,
but the way that pig's always squealing, how can you tell?"
=============================================
I just went to the store, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a
girl a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a
pencil-necked Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse s**t.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20
minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.
*********************************

Q. Did you hear about the new douche they've made for women?
A. It's made of Marijuana, Arrid Deodorant, and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
It leaves you high, dry, and finger licking good!
================================================
Sex is a three-letter word which sometimes needs old-fashioned
four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
====================================
We recently conducted a poll as to whether men prefer women with large
thighs or women with thin thighs. The results were pretty surprising.
10% of those men surveyed prefered women with large thighs.
10% of the men prefered women with thin thighs.
And the other 80% prefered what's in-between.
===========================================
Business Ideas That Failed...

GERIATRIC CITY
Quality housing for older citizens that couldn't attract retirees,
despite the mirrored bedroom ceilings, the hot tubs, the adjacent
burial plots and other amenities.

PUMP AND HUMP
A Nevada brothel that offered self-service gasoline to its customers.

STICKY WICKETS
Pre-owned erotica for sale at attractive discount prices.

HAIR AND NOW
Fast, inexpensive hair replacement using cat fur and thumb tacks.

PARADISE LOST AND FOUND
A gynecological clinic franchise specializing in "50,000 mile
tune-ups".

UNIX FOR HIRE
A computer consulting firm that just couldn't build a long-term
customer base.

IN THE CLOSET
A line of closet organizers that never caught on with young marrieds
and new homeowners.

SCRATCH AND SNIFF
A new medication for hemorroids...available in all your favorite
fragrances.
==============================
A beautiful young girl comes home and says, "Ma, I got married."
Her mother says, "Oy, that's great."
She says, "But, Ma, he's an Arab."
Her mother says, "Oy, that's not so great." She says, "But, Ma, he's an
Arab sheik. He's wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. You and Daddy are
going to live in the lap of luxury for the rest of your lives."
Six months later, she walks in the house and says, "Ma, I love my Arab
sheik, but my God, all he wants to do is boff me in my ass.
Day and night,that's all he'll do is bang me in my ass. When I got
married, my asshole was the size of a dime...now, it's the size of a
silver dollar."
Her mother says, "So for ninety cents you're going to make trouble?"
=====================================
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good-looking, smartly dressed woman
sitting on the bar stool.
He walks up behind her and says, "Hi there, how's it going?"
Having already had a few drinks, she turns around,
faces him, looks him straight in the eyes and says,
"Listen! I'll screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place,
it doesn't matter."
He says, "No kidding, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?
===============================================
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived
on the plane, he felt the seats and said, 'Wow, these seats are big!'
The person next to him answered, 'Everything is big in Texas.'
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon
arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his
hands. He exclaimed, 'Wow these mugs are big!'
The bartender replied, 'Everything is big in Texas.'
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the
bathroom was located. The bartender replied, 'Second door to the
right.'
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over
and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which
lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to
death, the blind man started shouting,
'Don't flush, don't flush!'
====================================
These two men were cellmates at state penitentiary for nine years. One
day Larry said to Joe, "You know man its been a long time since we had
some sex so you oughta let me screw you."

Joe replied.

"Are you crazy?!!"

Larry went on to say, "I promise you that it won't hurt and we'll
flip a coin and see who screws, who first.

So, Joe thought about it for a minute and finally agreed.
They flipped a coin and Larry won.
Still having strong reservation Joe asked,

"How will you tell if it hurts or not?"

Larry told Joe,

"If it hurts you start making animal noises, and I'll stop.

But if it feels good start singing."

Larry started the insertion and Joe screamed,

Moooooooo.... Moooooo... Mooooon River
=========================================
A recent news story detailed a medical implant which offers women the
chance to experience orgasms with the press of a button. Tiny
electrodes
are implanted into the spine and a small signal generator in the skin
under the buttocks. The patient then controls the sensation with a
handheld remote.

Side Effects of the New Orgasm Implant:

Dramatic increase in the number of women seen hanging out at Radio
Shack.

Cosmopolitan magazine folds due to a drastic shortage of cover story
headlines.

Dad: now surfs with two remotes
Mom: never complains

She never wants to cuddle anymore it's click, click, click, and
she's out the door.

The Baptists hurriedly draft an extra Commandment.

Thanks to a malfunctioning garage door opener, you're looking at $600
bucks to fix the hole your wife kicked in the dashboard of your SUV.

The Energizer Bunny keeps coming and coming...

"Not tonight, Honey. I have a thumbache."

Finally, size really *doesn't* matter.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention...I'm
sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention...I'm sorry..."

Every time your cell phone rings, you feel the uncontrollable urge to
shout your surgeon's name.

Side effects? Who cares about... oh... *oh*... OH, GOD! YESSSSSS!!!!

In addition to "Mute" and "Favorite," the wildly popular Radio Shack
Ultimate Universal Remote now has a new button: "Big O."

Men no longer feel any responsibility toward satisfying their
partner... er, never mind.

"Now remember, Ms. Elders the left nipple is positive and the
right is negative."
====================
Conficious say...Man with athletic fingers-makes broad jump!
===================================