[bonyhadi]

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato
garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up
that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen police showed up and dug up the
entire garden, without finding any guns.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what
happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad."
"It's the best I could do from here."
====================================
If the African yak spins in circles till it gets dizzy, is that
called an afro-dizzy-yak?

If you mated a bulldog and a ****su, would it be called a bull****?
=======================
Two hot young ladies are talking one afternoon about the weekend just
past. The first named Faba, and the second, Mujo, discussed Faba's
last date:

"You know what Mujo, I was out last night with an intellectual type,
" Faba declared.

"What's that? What's do you mean intellectual type?" Mujo
asked with curiosity.

"Well, I mean I was dating a man who is very intellectual and
intelligent," explained Faba to her friend.

Mujo giggles, and asked, "So, how was it?"

"First, he took me to dinner. Then he took me to a cinema movie.
And then he took me out for a drive. After all that, he took me to his
house. He began an intellectual conversation. And finally, he took out

his penis."

"What is this word, 'penis'," Mujo asked, unfamiliar with the
clinical terminology.

"Oh, it is what intellectuals have. It looks like a dick,
just much smaller !"
=====================================

Astrological After-sex Comments

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry pass the pizza."
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"
=====================================

A GIRL'S PRAYER

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who's willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
and when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind,
knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin, in the hall,
the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
and never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the dickhead you sent me instead.
Amen.


A BOY'S PRAYER

I pray for a girl who gives great head.
Amen.
=====================================

A pineapple plantation owner in Hawaii was having a problem with his
crop.

He called in an agronomist to evaluate the situation. "Your problem can
easily be solved if you cover the base of each tree with cat manure!"
devised the agronomist.

With some difficulty and great expense the owner was able to secure
enough cat manure for his trees. The trees produced a bumper crop of
pineapples, with just a minor problem, they tasted a bit strange.
With some concern, the plantation owner called his distributor on the
mainland as asked,
"Harry, do you think you can sell pineapples that taste a little like
*****?"
"I'm not sure, Harry answered, but, if you can figure out a way to make
***** taste a little like pineapple, we'll make a fortune!!!"

=======================================

A blonde and her boyfriend were setting at home one night and became bored.
"Hey, let's play a game" she said.
"What game?" was his bored reply.
"Let's play hide'n'seek. I'll give you a blow-job if you can find me."
"What if I can't find you?"

"I'll be behind the piano."
=================================================
Of A Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,

A woman is a bundle of contradiction.

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,

But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,

She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose.

She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,

She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,

She'll hate you like poison and love you like mad


Of A Man

Horny

Sleepy

Hungry
=====================================
Australia's Condom Dilemma

John Howard (Australian Prime minister) is rudely awoken
at 4 a.m. by the telephone.

"John, its the health minister here. Sorry to bother you at
this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word
that the Durex factory in Melbourne has burned to the ground.
It is estimated that the entire Australian supply of condoms
will be gone by the end of the week."

"**** - the economy will never be able to cope with all those
unwanted babies- we'll be ruined!"

"We're going to have to ship some in from abroad... Britain?..."

"No chance!! The poms will have a field day on this one!"

"What about New Zealand?"

"Maybe- but we don't want them to know that we are stuck.
You call Helen Clark tell her we need one million condoms;
colored gold and green; ten inches long and eight inches thick!
That way they'll know how big the Aussies really are!!"

John calls Helen, who agrees to help the Aussies out in their
hour of need. Three days later a van arrives in Canberra- full
of boxes. A delighted John rushes out to open the boxes.

He finds condoms; 10 inches long; 8 inches thick, all colored
green and gold. He then notices in small writing on each and every one:

-------------MADE IN NEW ZEALAND SIZE : MEDIUM

Two elderly residents, one male and one female,
were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening.
The old man looked over and said to the old lady,
"I know just what you're wanting, and for $5 I'll
have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft
sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some
candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes,
starts digging down in her purse.
She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
"Hell, no," replies the old lady.

"I want four times in the rocking chair!"