[bonyhadi]

Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're
suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.

"And now someone's suin' them fast food restaurants for making 'em fat
and cloggin' their hearts with all them burgers and fries, is that true
mister lawyer?"

"Sure is Bubba. But why you asking?"

"Cause what I want to know is, I was thinkin' can I sue Budweiser for
all them ugly women I've slept with ?"
===============================
An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large
pond in the back forty, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts,
basketball court, etc.

The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was
built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't
been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he
heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw
it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep
end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
or make you get out of the pond naked. I only came to feed the
alligator."
=============================
Mrs. Broomfield's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. He
couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had
to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the
mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail
you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't
bother you. BUT, whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances talk to
my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Broomfield's apartment the next day,
he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever
seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet,
watching him go about his business. However, the whole time he was
there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and
talking. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and
yelled: "Shut up, you stupid bird!"

To which the parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus".
====================================
Strange Headlines


Deer Kill 17,328
New Vaccine may Contain Rabies
Woman Improving After Fatal Crash
Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty
Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
Man Jumps Off Bridge. Neither Jumper nor Body Found
Publicize Your Business Absolutely Free! Just send $6.00.
==========================================
An avid skier decided that he would ski all the major mountains in the
world. He spent a decade at this, climbing and then skiing the world's
major peaks. Finally he decided he must ski Mt. Fuji, in Japan. He bade
farewell to his wife and set off for the Land of the Rising Sun.

The fateful day came, the weather was right, and the skier climbed to
the top of Fuji and skied down. So thrilled was he with his achievement
that he decided to send his wife a postcard of Mt. Fuji, describing his
feat. While in the shop buying the postcard, he decided, on a whim, to
buy a postcard picturing a young, scantily clad geisha to send to his
buddy who couldn't make the trip.

Unfortunately, he wrote the wrong messages on the cards, and sent them
to the wrong recipients. On the back of the card showing Mt. Fuji, which
he mistakenly sent to his buddy, he wrote: "Having fun in Japan!" And on
the back of the card showing the scantily clad geisha, which he
mistakenly sent to his wife, he wrote, "Here's a picture of the slope I
went down on Thursday!"
==========================