[bonyhadi]

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a
plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.
"This is exciting," he thought. "I've always been a big fan
of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."
Upon boarding the man realized his seat was right
next to the Pope himself.
This thrilled him but since he was so shy he couldn't
bring himself to speak to the Pope.
Shortly after takeoff, the Pope took a crossword puzzle
out off his bag and began working on it.
This is fantastic, the guy though, I'm really good at crosswords.
Perhaps if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance.
Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and said,
"Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring
to a woman that ends in 'unt'?
The man was in shock. He could only think of one word that
fit the description and he was not about to say it to the Pope.
He thought for a while longer, then it hit him.
Turning to the pope he said,
"I think you're looking for the word 'aunt'."
"Of course, of course," said the Pope.
"Do you have an eraser?"
=======================

A very spiritual, devout and holy priest dies and is immediately swept
up to heaven.

St. Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates, and says, "Hello, Father,
we've been waiting for you for a long time. Welcome to Heaven! You are
very well known here, and as a special reward, because you are such a
spiritual and holy man, we're going to grant you anything you wish even
before we enter Heaven. What can I grant you?"

"Well", the priest says, "I've always been a great admirer of the Virgin
Mother. I've always wanted to talk to her."

St. Peter nods his head to one side, and lo and behold who should
approach the priest but the Virgin Mary!

The priest is beside himself, and he manages to say, "Mother, I have
always been a great admirer of yours, and have studied everything I
could about you and followed your life as best I could. I have studied
every painting and portrait ever made of you, and I've noticed that you
are always portrayed with a slightly sad look on your face. I have
always, always wondered what it was that made you sad. Would you please
tell me?"

"Well", says Mother Mary, "honestly, I was really hoping for a girl."
==========================================
I was traveling near Phoenix the other day south of Gila bend when a
tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that it was also flat.

My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the
next town. the first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van.

He yelled out the window, "need a lift?"

"Yes, I sure do," i replied.

"You a democrat or republican," asked the old man.

"Republican," I replied.

"Well, you can just go to h-e-l-l," yelled the old man as he sped off.

Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same
question.

Again, I gave the same answer, "Republican."

The driver gave me the finger and drove off.

I thought it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy,
since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few republicans. The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde.
She smiled seductively and
asked if I was a democrat or republican. "Democrat!", I shouted.

"Hop in!", replied the blonde.

Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at this gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt
that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs. Finally, I yelled, "please stop the car."

She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out.

"What's the matter?", she asked.

"I can't take it anymore," I replied. "I've only been a Democrat for
five minutes and, already, I'm ready to screw somebody!"
==================================

One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the
table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily
clad young woman.
"Mom, what's this?" I asked.
"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," she answered.
"Is it working?" I asked.
"Yes, and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"

Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved from across the bar. "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like
to get her spread out on my sheets."
"No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a doughnut."

Why is it that a woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into an inch
diameter vagina in pitch black darkness without looking and cannot park

a 6 foot car in a 7 foot parking spot in broad daylight?
================================================== =======

A lady was trying to impress those at a party. "My family's ancestry is very old," she said. "It dates back to the days of King John of England."
Then turning to the lady sitting quietly in a corner she asked condescendingly, "How old is your family, my dear?"

"Well," said the woman with a quiet smile, "I can't really say. All our family records were lost in the flood."
================================================== ===

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90 year old man. When she returned to her daughters house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!!!"
================================================== ========

A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said, "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking. Following along
slowly, the man said, "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops!"
She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way. The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!"
Finally, the girl turned and said - "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!"

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The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her. Jesus raised his hand and spake, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first
stone."
>From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward to poor victim. Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop
it MOM! I was just trying to make a point!"

At the counter, a woman was complaining about the departure time, saying, "Young man, I could stick a feather in my ass and get there faster."

The clerk smiled and said, "Madam, the runways are clear." You are free to take off!
================