[bonyhadi]

On some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and
civilian
aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,
"What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you're a United
Airlines Flight, it's 3 o'clock. If you're an Air Force flight, it's
1500.
If you're a Navy flight, it's 6 bells. If you're an Army flight, the
big
hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If you're a Marine Corps flight, it's Thursday afternoon.
and if you are Airforce One...tell President Bush...
....to call Dick Cheney for the right time.
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Divorce laws can make you crazy. One state says you can't get a divorce

unless you can prove adultery.
That's weird. The Ten Commandments say you shouldn't, and the state
says you have to.
==============================
A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a
nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and
ailing. The man and nun started talking and she asked about his life.

He talked about his wife and 13 children. "My, my," said the nun,
"13 children....you're a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is
very proud of you!"

"I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish."

"Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex maniac, aren't you?"
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A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her
husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to
storm out of the house, her husband called out "Perhaps you should hear
how all this came about..."

I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman looking
tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the
roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge.

She was bare-footed so I gave her your good sandals which you had
discarded because they had gone out of style.

She was cold so I gave her the sweater which I bought for you for your
birthday but you never wore because the color didn't suit you.

Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were
perfectly good, but too small for you now.

"Then just as she was about to leave, she asked, 'Is there anything
else your wife doesn't use anymore ?'"
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It is tough being a man...

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat
race, you''re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off
your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self-defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated
woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a
pervert.
If you don't, you're a fag.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're
sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.

NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN! THEY WANT TO !!!!!.
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