[bonyhadi]

What did the doctor say to the nervous patient who was about to have a
circumcision done?
"It won't be long now!"

Why do women wear red lipstick?
WARNING! Wrong hole!
========================
TRIVIA:

1. There was a report of a ten-year study written in a British
medical journal that showed that men, ages 45-59, who had sex less
than once a month had twice the death rate of those who had sex twice
weekly. Guess that's a good excuse for plenty of sex!

2. Statistics estimate that each day, over one million condoms are
purchased in the United States. Nearly half of them are being
purchased by women.

3. While twenty-five percent of males planned their first sexual
encounter, only seventeen percent of women do.
============================
"You know what life really is?
You're born, you suck your mother's tits. You get a little older, you
suck your girlfriend's tits. You get married, you suck your wife's
tits.
That's what life is. Life sucks."
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Why are American masturbators so patriotic?
When they yank their doodle, they feel dandy.

What do you get when you mix prune juice with holy water?
A religious movement!!!
=======================================
A man enters a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problem he
has getting a close shave around his cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball
from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and proceeds with the closest
shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech "And what if I
swallow it?"

"No problem" says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like
everyone else does!"
===========================
Never have sex with a stranger unless you are stranger than them.
Abstain from wine, women, and song. Mostly song.
Never argue with a woman when she is tired....... or rested.
It's better to be looked over than overlooked.
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are
not important.
Anal sex can have positive results.
Go up and you will find heaven. Go down and you'll get applause.
Take two at bedtime. If you only have one, take one.
Original Sin is hard to find, but the digitally enhanced version is
readily available.
Looking for ' true love' is like buying a book on how to read.
Don't discuss your hemorrhoids on your first date
=========================================
Benefits of sex!

Q: Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is
sexually active or not?

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women
make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes
hair shine & skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the
pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than
swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins
into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you
with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called
pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva
to wash food from the teeth & lowers the level of the acid that causes
decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release
the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.


This message has been sent to you for good luck in sex. The original
is in a room in Palaiseau. It has been sent around the world nine
times. Now sex has been sent to you.
The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four days of receiving this
message, provided you, in turn, send it on. If you don't, then you will
never receive good sex again for the rest of your life. You will
eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off.
================================================== =
A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and were
settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one
night, the landlady met the man in the hallway. She said, "I
have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I
wonder if you and your bride would like to have them?"

"I'll ask her," the young man responded. He opened his door and
called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist'
tonight?"

"Hey, Pal," she retorted. "If you show me one more trick with
that thing, I'm going home to mother."
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A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and an
I.Q. of 165, I'd like to make a donation". The nurse gives him a sealed
cup and directs him to a provate room. 20 minutes later the man hasn't
come out, the nurse knocks on the door. "Is there a problem?"

"I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I
poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me?"

The nurse replied, "I don't usually do this but you are kinda cute..."

She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.

"I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the
jar!"
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A guy applied to join a nudist club. "Exactly what do you do here?" he
asked. "It's quite simple," said the club secretary, "we take off all
our clothes and commune with nature."
"Cool," said the guy, "...count me in!!!"
So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off.
As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read,
"Beware of Gays."
A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing
"Beware of Gays."
He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a
bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and it
said, "Sorry,... You've had two warnings!"
============================
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors,
and half the time they don't work.
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The Italian had never played golf before and so he asked for some tips
before starting the game. The American decided to teach the Italian the
properway to putt a golf ball.
The American said, "You take this stick and hit the balls so that they
roll into the hole." The American putted away and sank the ball from 20
feet in a single stroke. The Italian replied,
"In America, you leave your sticka outta and a putta your balls in
dahole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da hole and leave our
balls out!"
===============================================
A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar. After sitting down,
ordering, and some chit chat the priest said,
"Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?" He then realized the
truth, "I think we're in a gay bar."
A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest
was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to do. The rabbi
leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear.
The man nodded and walked off. The relieved priest said,
"Thanks. What did you tell him?" The rabbi replied,
"I just told him we're on our honeymoon."
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Truism of the day:

There are two kinds of sex - the kind you pay for and the kind you
get for free. The kind you pay for will always be cheaper than the
kind you get for free.
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