[bonyhadi]

There's this little boy dressed up in his cowboy outfit, and walks into
a ice cream shop.
Behind the counter was this, good-looking, well endowed female
employee.
The little boy walked up to the counter, and said "give me a ice cream
sundae", she said ok. she asked, if he wanted vanilla ice cream, he
pulls his six-shooters out, and stated "you damn right" and puts them
back in the holsters.
And she asked, if he wanted chocolate ice cream, he pull his guns out,
and stated "you damn right".
After putting all the ingredients on the sundae, she asked the little
boy if he wanted his nuts crushed, and he pulled his guns out, and said
you want your titties blown off.
=============================
A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading : Don't Miss The Amazing Texan.
Curious, he buys a ticket. The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center
ring is a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it is an old retired cowboy. Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three
walnuts with three mighty swings !
The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Texan is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same Don't Miss the
Amazing Texan.
He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act ! So he buys a ticket !

Again, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The Texan stands before
them, then suddenly unzips his fly and smashes the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd goes wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible" he tells the Texan.
"But I have to know something : You're older now, so why did you switch from walnuts to coconuts ?"
"Well, says the Texan My eyes aren't what they used to be"
=====================================
On their wedding night, Bruce displays his dick to his new blonde
virgin bride and tells her it's the only one in the world. She, of
course,
believes him. He's gone for a conference for a couple of weeks and
returns, only to be questioned by his new wife.
"Bruce," she says, "I thought you said you had the only one in the
world.
But Harry at the drug store has one too."
"Well, er," Bruce flusters, "Harry and I were in the war together, I
had two, so I gave him one of mine."
"Oh. Well, why did you give him the big one?"
=====================================
Pick Up Lines
Can I buy you a drink or would you just like the money?
Your dad must have been a farmer, because you got a great set of
melons.
Just approach the woman, don't say anything and read the tag on the
collar of her shirt. When she asks what the hell you are doing, just
say I'm checking to see if you're made in heaven.
================================================
A priest comes out of the church to find a young boy sitting on the
steps.The boy is killing ants by smushing them with his thumb,
saying,"****ing ants," with each smush.
The priest watches for a moment, horrified, before running over to the boy. "What are you doing!?!?!" the priest shouts at the boy.
"I'm killing these ****ing ants," responds the boy.
Visibly upset, the priest sits next to the boy. "My son, don't you
know that it is wrong to harm any of G-d's creatures? G-d created every living being and it is a sin to kill any of them,including ants."
The boy thinks about this a minute and says to the priest, "But these
ants don't do anything. They just bother people."
The priest responds, "Everything in life has a purpose my son,including
these ants. I want you to go home and think about that. In fact, I
challenge you to come back here in one week and see if you can think of
three things in life that do not have a purpose."
One week passes and the priest emerges from the church to find the same
boy sitting on the steps, smushing ants with his thumb, reciting the
same "****ing ants" phrase.
The priest screams at the boy to stop. Rushing over to him, the priest says to the boy, "My son, I thought I told you that everything has a purpose and it is a
sin to interfere with that purpose! Why are you killing these ants? Did you do as I instructed? Were you really able to think of three things in life that do not
have
a purpose?"
The boy looks up at the priest and says, "Yeah, I thought of three
things that don't have a purpose. A nun's tits, your balls and these
****ing ants!"
===============================
A couple got married, where the groom was 91 and the bride was
23. The groom looked pretty feeble and had the feeling that the
wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy,
vivacious young woman.

But, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase
slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop
in the hotel where their honeymoon happened.
The clerk looked really concerned,
"What happened to you, honey?
You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,

"Ohhh G-d! He told me he'd been saving up for 72 years,
and I thought he meant his money."
==================================
Turkey is the traditional main course on Thanksgiving, but
do you realize when the Pilgrims first landed if they had
shot a wildcat instead of a turkey, we would all be eating
***** on Thanksgiving!
=========================================
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before
Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you
that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is
enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't
stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. We're sick
of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your
sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of
this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do
a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he
says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
==================================================
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
=============================================
Things you can only get away with saying on Thanksgiving.

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in? .
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
19. How long do I beat it before it's ready?
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