[Hotfingrs]

December 1st

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be
lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ...
feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree!

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no

gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

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December 2nd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that
often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year).
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party."

The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at
this time.

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director


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December 3rd

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate
this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that
reads "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore.

In addition, forget about the gifts exchange--no gifts will be allowed

since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director


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December 7th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from

the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays
are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with
the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower
arrangement for the gay men's table.

Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director


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December 9th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to
play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of Santa" does happen to be
"Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own little man in a red
suit."

Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces


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December 10th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this

party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not. You can just
sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it,
and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you

know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear
me?

The Woman from Hell


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December 14th

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward
your cards to her at the sanitarium.

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party
and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director