When I first started posting here I had many of the same thoughts you had. What I came to find out it that there is a lot of history between many of the people here. What some times may seem like a lot of ball busting is more some thing between friends. Remember that it can be very difficult at times to tell what some one means in the written word.
There is also some bad blood between a few folks. Of course I don't know any group of 7000 people where everyone gets along!
This is really not much different than any other group. You get the good with the bad. The REALLY bad usually get run off.
Best bet on the pissing matches when they come up is to stay out unless you really want to be involved.
Here is what I can tell you. Many of those you see argue here have at one time or another sat down, had a beer and a few good laughs together. Like any 'family' we also tend to fight on occasion.
But if you want to try a REALLY anal group, then old vettes is where you need to be
Rick