[Dwight]

A Few Irish Jokes
Irish Shopping -
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini,each time
removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When thejar was filled with
olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had
done, "what was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of
olives!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You've Been Out Drinking Again
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally
said that the bar is closing.So the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on
his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll
crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.Once
outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the
four blocks home.
When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He
crawled through the door and into his bedroom.When he reached his bed he
tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right
into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him,shouting,
"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on his best innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Water to Wine:
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding
in Connecticut.The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and
then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have
you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord!He's done it again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~