Oil Change instructions for women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
Oil Change instructions for men:
1) Wait untill Saturday, drive to Auto Zone and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter and hand cleaner, write check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy acase of beer, write check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil of of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under the car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink another beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage floor.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish oil change." Drag pan of old oil out from unter car. Cleaverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to be recycled.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7 - 11: buy beer.
Continued next post