[VRM]

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1.Coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.

2.Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy~nilly (adj.): impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.): a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n ): a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish~isms.

15. Circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.