[VRM]

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months... all verified by our surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in Housewares!" ..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's
on lay a way.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department,
and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the Bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"

14 . December 21: When an a nnouncement came over the loud speaker, he
assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

......and last, but not least

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"