...
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks,
"Bartender, got any specials today?"
Bartender answers, "Yes, as a matter of
Fact we have a new drink, invented by
A gynecologist patron of ours.
It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka."
The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?"
The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."
...
The next time you find yourself on a plane, sitting next to someone who cannot resist chattering to you while you're trying to nap, you could try this.
Very slowly pull your laptop out of your bag, carefully open the screen, ensuring the irritating person next to you can see it, and hit this link.
(
http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf )
...
*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:*
* 40-ish...................................49.
* Adventurous.........................Slept with everyone.
* Athletic................................No breasts.
* Average looking....................Moooo.
* Beautiful.............................Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure..............On medication.
* Feminist..............................Fat.
* Free Spirit...........................Junkie.
* Friendship first.....................Former Slut.
* New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned.......................No B.J.'s
* Open-minded.......................Desperate.
* Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional.........................B***h.
* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.
* Large frame..........................Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate..................Stalker.
*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH: *
* Yes.......................................No
* No........................................Yes
* Maybe..................................No
* We need...............................I want
* I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
* We need to talk.....................You're in trouble
* Sure, go ahead......................You better not
* Do what you want...................You will pay for this later
* I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?
*DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:*
* I am hungry.............................I am hungry
* I am sleepy..............................I am sleepy
* I am tired................................I am tired
* Nice dress...............................Nice boobs!
* I love you................................Let's have sex now
* I am bored..............................Do you want to have sex?
* May I have this dance?.............I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I call you sometime?...........I'd like to have sex with you.
* Do you want to go to a movie?...I'd like to have sex with you.
* Can I take you out to dinner?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
...