Not Ranked
Mac the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was 50 cents and a pair of sneakers from Singapore. She refused with disdain.
He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again. Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.
He found Mabel, and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but told him not to expect any kind of response from her. Mac began the amorous act and after a few minutes was pleased to find an arm coming around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling around his rear.
Mac, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."
"Don't worry about me, love," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on them sneakers."
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A blond called her boy friend and said, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and can’t figure it out or how to get it started.”
Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blond said, “According to the picture on the box, its a tiger.”
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, were not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.
He took her hand and said, “Second,I want you to relax. Lets have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then…” He sighed…
“Let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
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At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, “I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?”
“Good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We save them up and
send them back to the candle makers, and every now and
then they send us a free box of candles.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that
his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he
went, in his obnoxious way: “What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they Send us a free box of bread wafers.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”
“Here, too, we do not waste, “ answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.”
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