For the Catholics...
The crowd is about to stone Mary Magdalene, when Jesus steps forward and says,
"Let ye who is without sin cast the first stone."
From the back of the crowd comes a big rock, over Jesus' head, 'bam' hits Mary Magdalene square between the eyes. Down she goes.
Jesus does a slow turn, looks back to see the thrower and says,
"Mom! Stop following me around - You're embarrassing me!"
_____
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach in Miami. As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have breasts bigger than his mother’s, so he goes back to ask her why.
She tells her son, “the bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.”
Satisfied with the answer, the boy goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger “things” than his dad does.
She replies, “The bigger THEY are, the dumber the man is.”
Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again and promptly tells mother: “Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.”
____
A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.
“Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asked.
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offered.
“On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota,
I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening
a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone,
but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest
and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on
the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring,
and threw it on the ground.
I yelled, “Now, back off!! Or you’ll answer to me!”
St. Peter was impressed, “When did all this happen?”
“Just a couple minutes ago.”