The schedule from the last GOP Convention.
5:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
5:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance, followed by a short lecture on how the words 'under god' were really there the whole time, and not added by Congress decades later
5:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
5:40 PM Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
5:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
5:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
5:50 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
6:00 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
6:10 PM Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"
6:20 PM Second Prayer led by Oral Roberts (a collection plate will be passed - please help keep Oral from being called home)
6:30 PM Dinner Break: Hot Dogs, Apple Pie, and Freedom Fries
6:45 PM GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi Rice
6:46 PM Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, Great American Patriot"
7:00 PM Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be canonized
7:15 PM Seminar #2: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"
7:30 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
7:50 PM Seminar #3: How to spend money you don't have
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM Mark Foley and Larry Craig Lecture: 'The Homos are after your children'
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #4: Corporations: the government of the future
9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "I Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
9:05 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:20 PM Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
9:45 PM Trent Lott: "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Fourth Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #5: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
11:00 PM Third Prayer: 'Please God, Kill Chavez', led by Pat Robertson
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Ceremonial Blaming of Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
12:30 AM George W. Bush drives himself home, gets arrested for driving drunk, covers up arrest, and issues pardon.
