HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS):
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care
where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy
whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little
behind in his work.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools
they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden
could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers
because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles ,
U.C.L.A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your
memory.
A dentist and a manicurist fought
tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone;
it is two tired.
A will,
is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow;
fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet
writes in verse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's
your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road:
poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist
you can get repossessed.
With her marriage,
she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you
A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry
it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in
Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt
if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia
The LAN down under.
A calendar's days
are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted:
'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg,
is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory
which was never developed.
A plateau,
is a high form of flattery.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.
When you've seen one shopping center
you've seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge,
you are in Seine .
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes
on a knead to know basis.
Acupuncture:
a jab well done.
Ron