[cobra de capell]

"New Word Definitions"

Found posted in the Physical Planning Office
at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania.

*Contractor -* A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

*Low Bidder -* A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

*Project Manager -* The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

*Critical Path Method -* A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

*OSHA -* A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney--usually applied at random with a shotgun.

*Strike -* An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

*Completion Date -* The point at which liquidated damages begin.

*Liquidated Damages -* A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

*Auditor -* Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.

*Lawyer -* Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.
______

"Running a Business"

There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large business. That was his
lifetime employment, but he wasn't happy there. He wanted to go in business for
himself. He saved his money and finally had enough that he could quit and start his
own business.

About two years later, I was on vacation and was going through the town where his
business was located. I stopped by for a visit. "Hey John, I heard that the first year
is the hardest for a new business."

"Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have to work half a day."

"Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going into business for myself."

"Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work."