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Old 05-24-2008, 09:44 AM
cobra de capell cobra de capell is offline
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DEMOCRAT QUIZ

Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What is the difference between a bleeding heart liberal and a puppy?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.

Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, scum sucking bottom-feeder and the other is a fish.

Q: What's a conservative?
A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.

Vote Democrat... It's easier than getting a job.
_____

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on: feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand up, embraced and kissed her passionately on the lips as her husband watched with raised eyebrows.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?”

The husband thought for a moment and replied, “Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays I golf.
_____

WOMEN CAN BE SO INSENSITIVE

Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.

Given this prognosis, Ralph asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she
agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, ‘Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?’

Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife’s shoulder and asks, ‘Honey, please... just one more time before I die ?’ she says, ‘Of course, dear.’ And they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep.

Ralph, however, worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he’s down to 4 more hours.

He taps his wife, who rouses. ‘Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could....?’

At this point the wife rolls over and says, ‘Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning... you don’t.
____

Ahmadinijad: Iran and the world need Obama as President

In a statement released today, Iranian President Ahmandinijad told a captive audience in Tehran his support is fully behind Senator Barack Obama, (D-Ill) in the race for the Presidency of the United States.

The following is a rough translation. "It is not often the so called leader of the free world can be elected who is more than willing to legitimize a regime such as mine, but I'm convinced Obama will do it. His pledge to unconditionally sit down for face to face negotiations with me will give me world-wide credibility. I'm particularly impressed with his ability to convince the naive American public he can sit through 20 years of anti-Zionist teachings, yet continually spout his support for Israel; I must remember, however, the teachings of Mohammed who said lying to the Kufir is perfectly acceptable. 80% of the worlds muslims are for Obama, an overwhelming number the American voter simply can't dismiss. They will view it in the most negative terms if he doesn't win. Iran and indeed the world need Obama as President."

"I don't like McCain or the woman. I don't think they can be seduced with easy language or easy promises. Obama is who I want. It would be much easier to get away with our "peaceful" nuclear program with him in charge."

Nancy Pelosi was less than pleased with this statement saying, "I was in the Middle East to begin the process of appeasement and surrender, and I don't get a mention?"

Developing..
_____

EXCLUSIVE - Ellen's Fiancée: "Wedding is Off!"

INSIDE HOLLYWOOD, CA - A spokesperson for Portia de Rossi, longtime partner and newly named fiancée of television personality Ellen DeGeneres, has said plans for their upcoming wedding have been postponed indefinitely. The wedding, announced shortly after the California Supreme Court lifted the state's ban on gay marriage, was to take place next month. Sources say, among other things, there were heated arguments between the couple over who would wear the white dress.

"Portia had always assumed that she would be wearing the dress." said the spokesperson, who spoke with us on the condition of anonymity. "But Ellen thinks she always has to be the center of attention."

Both women rejected the idea of a double dress wedding, as each had always wanted a strictly traditional ceremony. The double dress wedding has also been socially shunned and considered passé since the gay wedding rush in San Francisco two years ago.

Wedding trouble may also be brewing for actor George Takei and longtime partner Brad Altman. Altman reportedly bristled at the idea of an authentic Klingon gay wedding, and balked at Takei's plans to invite several thousand 'trekkies' to the ceremony. Altman was seen storming out of a Beverly Hills boutique following a heated discussion, in which Takei was reportedly doused with a champagne coolie.

Neither DeGeneres nor Takei could be reached for comment.
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