I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE. HERE'S MY PLATFORM:
(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official language. Speak it or wait at the border until you can.
(2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude.
NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart' policy: 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (Six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(5) Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin' in, you ain't getting' nuttin' out. Neither the president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you will be banned for life.
(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method: The first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There will be no more life sentences -- if you are convicted of a Capitol Offense, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc.
(9) One export will be allowed - Wheat -- The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of
oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress -- right after a prayer.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. and when the Flag is presented during these periods and passes in front of you, military personnel will salute and citizens will place their right hand over their heart.
Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes, but a vote for me will get you 'better' than what you have, and a heck of a lot better than what you're gonna get.