[cobra de capell]

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, 'You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.'

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, 'And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. Now our services are always packed to the balcony.'

'Thank you, Father,' answered the young priest. 'I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.'

'All of these ideas have been well and good,' said the elderly priest, 'But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.'

'But Father,' protested the young priest, 'my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!'

'Yes,' replied the elderly priest, 'and I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof.'
_____

Three little boys were sitting around talking about their fathers.

The first boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings."

The second boy said, "My dad can blow smoke rings out of his nose."

The third boy said, "Well, my dad can blow smoke rings out of his ass."

The first and second boys where amazed.

The second boy said, "Have you seen him do it?"

"No," said the third boy, "but I've seen the tobacco stains on his underwear."
_____

Marine Corps Rules: (not a joke)
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you
meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start
with a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life
is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral &
diagonal preferred)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or
tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention
to shoot.