[cobra de capell]

A vetern went in to apply for a govt job...

Boss..Well your a vet and that gives you some points, were you wounded?

Vet...Yes, I had my nads blown off by an IED.

Boss...Well that gives you some more points. Do you have any alergies?

Vet...Yes, I'm alergic to coffee.

Boss...Well that gives you enough points, you're hired. You start tomorrow, come in at 10 am.

Vet...I thought the work day started at 8 am.

Boss...It does but this is a govt job and for the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratchin' our nads, no need for you to be here.
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Four Perfect Animals!

A little old lady told a friend of mine the other day when they were standing in line together that all she had ever wanted to have in life was four animals.

My friend who has a large dog and a big heart for strays said, "Oh really, what kind of animals did you want?"

The little old lady said "A mink on my back, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed, and a jackass to pay for all of it."