[427sharpe]

1. A down on his luck guy is having a bad time finding a girlfriend, so he goes to a local cathouse. He tells the doorman, 'Pal, i'm down. What can I get for five bucks?' The doorman shows him to a basement room and takes his money. The customer flips on the light and sees only a chicken. He figures, what the heck and does the chicken. Satisfied, he leaves. The next week, still without luck finding a woman, he goes back to the whorehouse. 'Pal, I only got two bucks left.' The doorman shows him to a crowded room, with all of the patrons watching people engaged in the big nasty--disappointed, the customer leans to another patron and says 'This aint worth 2 bucks!' The other cust eyes him and says--"Ya take what ya get! Last week a guy was f****** a chicken!"
2. An obese fellow was scanning the newspaper, and sees an ad-"Lose 5 Pounds for 5 bucks". He goes to the address listed, and the owner shows him to a room where there is a good looking brunette with a sign--"If you can catch me, you can have me!" The guy chases her, and sure enough finally grabs her and makes love. He weighs himself at home later, and he is 5 lbs. lighter! He goes back again and asks to lose 15 pounds. The owner shows him to a room, inside a stunning blond with the same sign, same result. The fellow thinks, 5 was good, 15 was better--what must 50 be?? So he returns and offers $50. He is led to a room, inside is a 475 pound gorilla with a sign--"If I catch ya, I'm gonna......"