[cobra de capell]

An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to
help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Damn Frenchmen to show it to."
_____

One afternoon, three close friends named Hercules, Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan, sat by the river contemplating their lives.

Bold and arrogant, Hercules exclaimed that he was surely the strongest person in the world. "That may be true," said Sleeping Beauty, "but I am better because I am obviously the most beautiful person in the world."
Don Juan laughed at both of them and said that without a doubt, he must be the greatest stud alive simply because he had been with the most women.

After several hours of argument, they decided to consult a Guru for the truth. First, Hercules went into the Guru's cave. A few moments later he came out with a massive grin on his face. The Guru had said that he was, in fact, the strongest person in the world. He was very pleased.

Sleeping beauty came out of the cave with a lovely smile saying, "It is true! I AM the most beautiful woman in the world!"

Moments later a distraught Don Juan came stomping out of the cave muttering, "Who in the hell is Bill Clinton?"
_____

Two Iraqi spies met in a busy restaurant after they had successfully slipped into the U.S.

The first spy starts speaking in Arabic.

The second spy shushes him quickly and whispers: "Don't blow our cover.
You're in America now. Speak Spanish."
_____

THINGS A MOTHER WOULD NEVER SAY!

"Just live with him.. you don't have to marry him.. I don't need
any grandchildren"

"Be good and for your birthday I'll buy you a motorcycle!"

"How on earth can you see the TV, sitting so far back?"

"Don't bother wearing a jacket -- it's quite warm out."

"Let me smell that shirt -- yeah, it's good for another week."

"I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity."

"Yeah, I used to skip school, too."

"Just leave all the lights on...it makes the house more cheery."

"Could you turn the music up louder, so I can enjoy it, too?"

"Run and bring me the scissors! Hurry!"

"Aw, just turn these undies inside out. No one will ever know."

"I don't have a tissue with me -- just use your sleeve."

"Well, if Timmy's Mom says it's okay, that's good enough for me."

"Of course you should walk to school and back. What's the big
deal about having to cross a few main streets?"

"My meeting won't be over till later tonight. You kids don't mind
skipping dinner, do you?"

"I saw your subscription to Playboy was expiring so I sent in a
check to renew."

"If she wants you both to move back east to live near her family
it's fine with me."

"Mother's day, Shmother's Day you just go to the beach and enjoy
yourselves."

"You don't have to call me every week I know how busy you are."

"You are so lucky to have your in-laws"

"Your wife knows best - forget about the advice I gave you"