New Nail Gun, made by DeWalt.
It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2x4 at 200 yards.
This makes construction a breeze; you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence. Just get your wife to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back relax with a cold drink and when she has the board in the right place, just fire away.
With the hundred round magazine, you can build the fence with a minimum of reloading.
After a day of fence building with the new DeWalt Rapid fire nail gun, the wife (or neighbors ) will not ask you build or fix anything else again!
Old one, but still funny....
A woman goes to her doctor's office, to discuss a strange development.
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later, the woman's phone rings.
Much to her relief, it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, 'You're perfectly healthy--there's no problem. But I'm wondering, was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?'
The woman stammers, 'Why, Yes, but how did you know?'
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold..."