A preacher came to the elders of his church and tendered his resignation. When pressed for an explanation, he would only say “Mother Green”.
“Mother Green? Who’s that? What do you mean?” the elders asked, but the preacher adamently refused to elaborate. The elders asked the preacher to stay until a replacement could be found, and he did so.
The new preacher arrived, and asked the departing pastor why he was giving up his flock. “Mother Green” he said, and once again refused to elaborate.
The new preacher took over, and on one particular Sunday morning, things were going swimmingly. The collection plate was full, the choir was singing on key, and he was in fine voice, raining fire and brimstone on his mesmerized audience. Suddenly, the back doors of the church were flung open, and in strutted, no, flounced a woman, built like the proverbial brick outhouse. She sported a short-short miniskirt, and displayed cleavage nearly to her naval. She sinuously slithered to the front of the church, sat in the front pew, and threw her leg over the armrest. She wore no underwear.
The preacher looked, looked again, and then whispered to the choir director “Is that Mother Green?”
“I don’t think so, pastor,” came the reply “I think it’s just the way the sun is hitting it through the stained-glass window.”
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Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said,
"Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten miserable beasts I have ever seen."
One of the buffalo turned to the other and said, "You know ... I think I just heard a discouraging word.
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Idle Thoughts of a Retiree's Wandering Mind
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists ... they don't talk about other people.
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help groups?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Is it me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?