[cobra de capell]

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel
outside Kalgoolie.

He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your
ugliest woman and a burnt chop.!!

The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money you could have one
of my finest ladies and a lovely three-course meal.

The trucker replies, 'Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny . . . . . I'm
homesick.
_____

SURVIVOR

Texas Style

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas-Style."

The contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston , then down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio , El Paso , Midland , Odessa , Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth, and finally back to Dallas.

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm Gay," "I Love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef," "I Voted for Obama," "George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2012," and "I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive, wins.
_____

Three Knots:

Edward, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform
and heads for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his
age, but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I
doing?'

The prostitute replies, 'Well Ray, you old sailor,
you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots?' He asks, 'What's that supposed to mean?'

She says, 'You're knot hard, you're knot in, and you're
knot getting your money back!'
_____

The big bad Wolf said "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down."

And the little piggy said ...

"F*** off or I'll sneeze on you."