[cobra de capell]

A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladiesis hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time, whenfinally the last lady is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it 10 feet; she goes over and hacks it another 10 feet, then hacks it another 10 feet.

She looks up at the men who are watching and says apologetically, "I guess all those f@@@ing lessons I took this winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately replied, "Well, you know, that's your problem.You should have taken golf lessons instead."
_____

A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty, decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"
_____

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, 'Mother of six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
_____

A study at the University of Missouri shows that the type of facial features that a woman finds attractive can differ, depending upon where she is at in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If a woman is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

If she is menstruating or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted
to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass
while he is on fire.
_____

Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm.'

"Mutual orgasm here and mutual orgasm' there. That's all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?".

Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm."
_____



Remarkable Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr Common Sense.

Mr Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable Parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only to worsened his condition.

Mr Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion; his daughter Responsibility and his son, Reason.

He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.