[cobra de capell]

We've had enough Redneck jokes. Now here on some takes oh how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:

You just might be a Yankee if:

1. you think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

2. you don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly

3. For breakfast,you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.

4. You don't know what a moon pie is.

5. You've never had an RC cola.

6. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.

7. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

8. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cow you've seen are on road trips.

9. You have no idea what a polecat is.

10.You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

11. You don't have bangs.

12. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

13. You would rather your son became a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

14. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them"you guys," even if both of them are women.

15. You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.

16. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n'knife show.

17. You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

18. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

19. The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp to the highway.

20.. YOu don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

21. The farthest south you've even been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

22. You call binoculars opera glasses.

23. You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice).

24. You've never been to a craft show.

On the other hand.......

You may be a redneck if.....

* You take your dog for a walk and both use the same tree.
* You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.
* Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
* You burn your yard rather than mow it.
* You think the "Nutcracker" is something you did off the high dive.
* The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
* You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
* You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
* You come back from the dump with more than you took.
* You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
* Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
* Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
* You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
* You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
* You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
* You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
* You have a rag for a gas cap.
* Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
* You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
* You can spit without opening your mouth.
* You consider your license plate personalized because your father made
it.
* Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
* You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
* The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
* Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
* You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
* A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvements.
* You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
* You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
* You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

And last, but not least...
* Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth, so you take them out to see what it is!
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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi are out in a field.

The priest says, "Let's draw a circle on the ground and throw our money into the air. Whatever lands outside the circle, we keep; whatever lands inside the circle, we give to God."

The minister says, "I have a better idea: we throw the money into the air and we keep what lands INSIDE the circle."

The Rabbi says, "Tell you what: let's just throw the money up, and whatever God wants, he can keep."
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