Thread: Jokes
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Old 07-12-2009, 09:51 AM
cobra de capell cobra de capell is offline
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TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED …


10. Conversations often begin with “Put the gun down, and then we can talk”.

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. “Family meetings” are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid’s day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
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A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died.

Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, “I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon".

"But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell".

"The nut has gone to heaven."
_____

Aluminum Foil TIP

Was this something we were supposed to learn from our Mom's?????
I can't believe it's been there all this time.

I had to go into the kitchen and check this out for myself.

Whoever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box?
You know when you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box.
Then you have to put the roll back in the box and start over.
The darn roll always comes out at the wrong time.
Well, I would like to share this with you.
Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it, and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, Press here to lock end.
Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place.
How long has this little locking tab been there?
I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too.
I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too!
I can't count the number of times the Saran wrap roll has jumped out,
when I was trying to cover something up.
I'm sharing this with my friends.
I hope I'm not the only person that didn't know about this. Ž

I know you're going to go and check your boxes, so go ahead!
_____

Time to Reevaluate United States involvement



Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on TV there are photos of death and destruction.

Why are we still there?

We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble.

Why are we still there?

Many of our children go there and never come back.

Why are we still there?

Their government is unstable, and they have sloppy leadership.

Why are we still there?

Many of their people are uncivilized.

Why are we still there?

The place is subject to natural disasters, from which we are supposed to bail them out.

Why are we still there?

There are many hostile religious sects, which we do not understand.

Why are we still there?

Their folkways, foods, and fads are unfathomable to ordinary Americans.

Why are we still there?

We can't even secure the borders.

Why are we still there?

They are billions of dollars in debt and it will cost billions more to rebuild, which we can't afford.

Why are we still there?

It is becoming VERY clear . . . WE MUST PULL OUT OF CALIFORNIA ! ! !
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