Not Ranked
Last week I was out of town and when I checked into my hotel I was a bit lonely. I thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone books like escorts and such. I picked up the phone book and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture!
I figured, what the heck, give her a call. "Hello," the woman says . God, she sounded sexy.
Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and Id like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything! Now, how does that sound?"
"That sounds fantastic," she says, "but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
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A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function
where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the
opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a
question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a
mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which
anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that
puts you on the track.'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the
world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You
wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess,
I don't know much about history.'
TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR COMPANY HAS CHANGED TO THE GOVERNMENT'S VERY
INEXPENSIVE HEALTH CARE PLAN:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you
enter the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a
day..."
(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to
Goodwill last month.
(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not
a typographical error.
(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED THE GOVERNMENT'S VERY CHEAP HEALTH
CARE PLAN:
(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct Tape.
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