[cobra de capell]

"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?" --Marilyn Pittman

"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad." --Christopher Case

"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'" --Jake Johansen


"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." --A. Whitney Brown

"I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget." --Michael McShane
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Luigi (father): "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."

Son: "I will choose my OWN bride!!!"

Luigi: "But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter..."

Son: "Well, in that case....o.k."

Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates.

Luigi: "I have a husband for your daughter..."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!"

Luigi: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank"

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case....o.k."

Finally Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank

Luigi: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!"

Luigi: "But this man is Bill Gates' son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case....o.k."

And, that my friends,is how Italians do business.
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A Zebra dies and arrives at thePearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.'

So the zebra went off in search of God.

When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?'

God simply replied 'You are what you are.'

The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?'

The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are...''

St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.'

The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?'

'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is.'