[Fordzilla]

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a
condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of
nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the
mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and
live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and the invention of the
wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity
into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was
the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor
aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans
were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they
just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to
B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the
beginning of what is known as the Conservative
movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the
nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair
dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement...

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
Those became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal
achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.
Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime
added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled
water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their
women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also
bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller.
They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes,
members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing.... They like to govern
the producers and decide what to do with the production.
Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
business of trying to get more for nothing.